Does he love you or Do you just think he does?

In this world, at my age, you see things that you never cared to notice before. Such as the fact that most people your age are dating or married and the realization that soon it may be too late for you and your love life (Even though this is a perpetually irrational fear, we give into it) So in this world, women my age, we get a little stupid and even more naive. No really! Hands up if you have realized mid-relationship that there was no relationship. Hands up if you have had to be the one to bring up the ‘What are we’ conversation. Hands up if at the end of that conversation you still weren’t sure of where he stands. *Waves all hands high* Ladies with your hands up, this one’s for you. I will attempt to mend your heart before it breaks and teach you how to spot the noncommittal fuck-boy who is out to waste your time before he denies the obvious. If your hand didn’t go up, take some tips home; share a link for a sister in need.

The first sign, you’re always overcompensating for your flaky man. You invite him everywhere but somehow something always comes up. You find yourself calling him a few too many times or writing texts with a curse word too many only to cool down and forgive when he gets back to you with some half-ass apology and an even weaker excuse. You find yourself making up excuses for him to friends and family, sometimes even to yourself. “He’s probably busy” He’s. Not. That. Busy! You are constantly reminding yourself to be patient with regard to his promises. All your relationship doubts are calmed by something you had to say to yourself to fill in the gap his half ass left. If I have just described you or your recent musings, Smile! You’re single but also being played.

You avoid comparing him to other suitors – Another great sign. All your friends have settled for their soul mates and you’re all still relatively young so relationships are in their sweet spot. Your girlfriends are being flown out of the country to exotic islands; getting gifts that you usually have to buy yourself;  getting proposed to in fancy restaurants and obviously having love-children with their soul mates. But your fuck-boy (Read boyfriend) is still acting like you’re in the ‘we just met’ stage. He’s never invited you anywhere and he never buys you anything. Unfortunately, it’s not because he can’t afford it. You know he can. He’s just got a new car; he’s drinking with the boys every weekend and housing a few of his deadbeat friends, he can afford to buy you lunch or a pair of earrings (Or whatever girls like these days, personally I love food). But he doesn’t. Why? He doesn’t care; about you, the relationship, your future. Girl, Listen; Run as fast as those heels can carry you! This man is obviously wasting your time. A man will fight to show you how much you mean to him; it has been that way since the dawn of time.  So if you have to ask (or even worse beg) for appreciation and pampering from an able man; then you are better off using your energy searching for a man who appreciates you of his own volition.

So now you’re super frustrated. You’re apparently a cuffed lady who has to live single. Actually, you were happier when you were single.  (Girl I get it.) You confront him as any sane person would do. Maybe bring up the ‘what are we’ discussion again. Chances are you will begin to have one-sided arguments with this fuck-boy (About everything). Because he simply can’t defend himself, he doesn’t engage you rather he lets you rant, rave and shout to yourself then proceeds to tell you what you want to hear. Cause you know mid-rant, you probably began crying or whining like a child that just needed a hug. It is at this weak point he chimes in with words you want to hear. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. Blah Blah Blah” Girl! Do. Not. Fall. For. It. A real man will never make you tell him what he needs to do, he just knows. He knows when he messes up, he also knows how to fix it. Find a man lacking any of this knowledge, he is a Fuck-boy (No exceptions!). Please exit stage right and your soul mate awaits.

This is another big one. Honestly, I think this is an obvious one but I wouldn’t want to be partial when giving such advice. It is a red flag more conspicuous than the Communist flag or your white bed sheet on Aunty Flow morning. There are all these women your ‘supposed’ man is associated with. He talks about them all the time, even when you’re in front of him. He’s always texting them. He has no problems buying them lunch or drinks but these are ‘supposedly’ not dates. Sometimes, he even houses them. Now, I don’t know your man. But even if all these friendly women are taken, chances are he wants what you want just not with you but with one of these random women. You are a human placeholder for another woman. A man knows that his woman is the most important woman in his life. If you are not the most important woman in his life, then I beg to reason that you are not really his woman. He won’t admit it, so it’s probably best you see yourself out of the relationship.

If somehow you’re unable to remember these signs, here comes the mother lode. This is the obvious one, the Holy Grail if you may. Ladies, if you have to ask, the answer is probably not what you want to hear. If you have to ask ‘are we dating’ or ‘what are we’ or the ever dreadful ‘what’s going on between us’, then you have your answer already. Pick up your overnight bag and go get you a play toy, because girl, you are single. A real man will leave you in no doubt of the place you play in his life.

I probably offended a few ‘cuffed’ ladies with this piece, because maybe you just realised you are single. (I’m not sorry, your man is a Fuck Boy tho) Maybe I even reinforced your misery by ending your relationship before it started. Now you’re in that ‘I’m single and men are trash’ rut. I know it all too well, been in it for years. But it shall pass. You mustn’t settle for a Fuck Boy that’s how you start this mess any way. The only way to avoid these Fuck Boys is to be the strong unwavering independent woman you are.  Don’t you dare lower your standards for no man. Do not dare tame yourself because of what a man said or did to you. The species derive their social power by keeping women like you and me down; convincing us that strong women like us never find love or judging us for living our lives just as they do. Weak women are Fuck Boy candy. Your light should not, will not be dimmed when you find your soul mate, it will only burn brighter in the presence of real love, remember that!

 

Yours Truly, Faithfully, Sincerely and with no fucks given,

1st Lieutenant, Anti Fuck Boy Gang,

Emm!

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